So I had this thought this morning. I couldn’t sleep, since Wednesday I have had a sore ear. I didn’t want to go to an ENT so I resorted to taking a concoction of tablets, around 05h00 the effect wears off and my mind started wondering. Ok... like I was saying, I had a thought this morning about the way men and women view sex.
I know that women have to have some feelings towards a guy to have sex with them. On the hand men will have sex because they can, coz he feels like it and he will pretend like it never happened the following day.
So the question that I ask some colleagues this morning is “What happens when you meet a guy/ girl and you like them or feel strongly about them and on that day decide to have sex?”
“Thaphelo” says it’s a big NO NO... The day after, guys will think the chick is cheap, easy; loose... her number is kept, just in case you need her “services” again. I did change in the face when he said that, was he the only guy who thought that or was it a general male feeling.
Thankfully it’s not all men ... Ok so “ Mandla” thinks if he likes a girl enough he would do the do the first day he meets her and it would make him feel good because he knows she was into him. He says there are no guarantees if you wait for 6 months to have sex that a guy will not leave. A guy will leave if he hadn’t intended on staying in the first place. The long and short of it is if you like someone enough it shouldn’t matter when sleep with them.
So I spoke to the ladies. ‘ Mathaphelo” and “ Mandy” wore frowns on their faces when I asked the question. The whole idea was dirty to them. Why would one willingly put themselves in such a horrible position?
‘Thula” and ‘ Sipho” start giggling and as if begin queued say “hell yes” If you like someone why not. Life is too short not to take risks. So what if he leaves and more importantly what if he stays and you end up in a long loving relationship. Are you will to risk that?...
i'm a bit old fashioned... i understand that some feelings can be overwhelming but i think it's better to wait... ideally until you are married but if you can't then as along as you can. too many people regret the decision to sleep with certain individuals...
ReplyDeleteYou must remember that when it comes to sex, guys are never prepared to say no. I agree with Unathi that you must hold out for as long as you can. Any girl who puts out early in the relationship runs the risk of being regarded as cheap. As for him not waiting because you won't put out. It's his loss. Have standards and start making men to conform to those, not vice-versa.
ReplyDeleteI know we all love sex.....
ReplyDeleteBut the more we have sex with women the easier we get bored of her, my concern is you dont even know the girl (maybe that's what she used to do, i promise you, you are not the only one ) to me, yes its a jackpot.
be patient, that's my advice
it's comforting to know what men really think. often women do things because they assume that is what men expect of them. i wish more women would participate in this debate. i'm worried that too many girls throw away their reputations just so they can score points with a guy that won't even stay with them...
ReplyDeletemfxim....you all have these naive theories(ideas, i respect them regardless). waiting or no waiting has no bearing how we see you guys. and another issue i have with sistas, the fact that you assume that men are a homogeneous group who think alike.
ReplyDeleteWomen love dick as much as men love coochie, PERIOD. to assume that its 'his loss' is naive at best. Women have complicated things that they miss out on good brothas on a daily basis.
In closing of my JZ speech: be yourself, stop listening to Dr Phil, Oprah, etc..trust your instincts and remember, in life, theres no one size for all type of rule...
thats my 2c worth.
Homogeneous, is a very strong word. Am sure we can generally agree that men and women in groups will behave the same. This is what is called “ group/ mob mentality”. Men in groups will generally act and behave the same. We expect men to break your heart , EVENTUALLY and that is what we are told growing up. “ stay away from boys , they will break your heart” and by golly one man will eventually break your heart. And this idea is sealed in your mind. So when this that “ good brothas” come along its all blurred.
ReplyDeleteSo mister LZK maybe you should start a movement to re- education us women folk, on how to pick the “ good brotha”
Well Yoyo i certainly don't think there is a magic portion or recipe on '10 ways to find a good man'. i certainly do believe that our experiences and unduly influences from parents, older siblings and messed up friends have clouded our views about love, relationship and life in general..
ReplyDeleteIt is soo hard for brothas now a days to hook up with sistas cos we are forever viewed with suspicions..Heaven forbid if i stop you on your tracks whilst taking a walk, shopping, at a party, hell, there's no ideal place nor time to get your attention.
Some of our brothas have resorted to using the net, cos its the only place where a brotha can make his move without being looked at like a Alcatraz escapee.
When was the last time Yoyo you actually gave a brotha a minute of your time when he approached with respect and dignity you deserve? Most sistas frown on us when a brotha pounce on them..for no apparent reason. its one thing when a brotha says 'yesana yiza apha' its another thing when a brotha says to you "can i have 2 minutes of your time, please'....but NO, it makes no difference to you sistas, you rope us in one garment....LOSER!!!...
Well, there goes a good brotha for you...
Yes, sistas have preference of what brotha should infiltrate them pants, ultimately her heart. I dont say just take any tom dick and henry that comes your way, however,be practical. if you like a brotha and he makes you....smile, who cares if he is not eloquent in his 'English'(lol), you aint perfect as well, we hate them fake hair, but we also compromise on them....
So as much as i would love to make money on the movement thing, i dont think its the right way to go....however, doing drinks together could be a start...so what you say on that...
remember....this is one of them good brothas...lol
Unathi, when a guy meets you, he is not looking for a wife, so stop doing the same. We are young and looking for fun. if in our experiences we end up being an item...good, if we end up splitting, well, thats life, as long we manage to take out something positive and build each other in the process. Most of my exes have played a positive role in my life and i would love to believe that i added value in their lives as well.
ReplyDeleteNow just because we didnt end up getting married, doesnt mean that our experiences were futile or i view them as sluts...
sex is part of our lives, and we cant elevate it more important than communication, respect, trust,etc...they are all equal...
the moment you use your coochie or sex as a bargaining tool...then you are in real trouble cos guys will view you as a 'project' to be attained and then left...
Just live your life and stop being uptight and judgemental...methinks.
i think you've misunderstood me and i'm not sure how you came to such conclusions about me. i'd also run if someone came to me because they are shopping for a wife... i deliberately run away from those people. i SORT of have the same casual approach to dating as you. i'm friends with a few ex's myself and i appreciate the experiences that have brought me here. with all that being said, i still think that we can apply certain filters to our activities. a person can decide for themselves what those filters should be. what i listed above are filters I use. within the bounds of those filters/ boundries i go wild and have my fun.
ReplyDeleteLadies, stop looking for that perfect guy, if he was out there he would not have you either because you're not either. Right now you may be sitting with a 70% guy hoping he will upgrade because you didn't the 85% guy a chance.
ReplyDeleteI also don't understand the "just dating" concept, with the view that if it works out then lucky you and if it doesn't then tough luck. Whatever happened to dating someone because you have a plan to take things further than just dating.
Maybe I'm just a bit old fashioned but dating without a plan seems a bit useless or even a bit stupid since I view it as a waste of time. Looking for fun is one thing and wasting time is another. As for using the 'nookie' to fulfill certain objectives, the less said the better. I would like to think
That we are better than that.
How is it possible that our moral campuses are so messed we see immorality as just having fun? How much evidence do we need to see around us to finally wake up and realise that having standards is actually something that is appealing to men?
There is nothing wrong with telling a brother/sister what your expectations are so that if they can take a hike if it's a bit too much for them. Keep having 'fun' and men will treat you as a toy.
Asanda,how do i say this to you, in a brotherly tone and love...if you are a lady,most men wouldnt date you.if you are hot and tite like sh*t, they will tap your ass BUT STILL WOULDNT DATE YOU!!! let me break it down for you why i make this bold statement.
ReplyDeleteComing into a relationship with a 'plan'...the hell? As a brotha, if i get a sniff that you have a 'plan', i can assure you: i will be gone in a sec..
what does a 'plan' entails?make him a baby daddy?make him less of a playa? make him domesticated? what is this grand plan?
Wasting time:sista, unless you are in your 30s and sh*t then you can consider every 'fun' activity time wasting...
okay before i go on here....lets get one thing straight: what age are you talking about here? cos if you are referring to your current age(which i assume is close to 30s or early 30s) then i can understand your palpitations...so confirm to me before i go on a preaching tip...please..
hey LZK... Asanda is a man...
ReplyDeletethis is very simple you sleep with a guy that you just met you're a piece of trash do you think he'll respect you tomorrow hell no, to him you're just a scandalous whore that sleeps with every man you come across that is how most man think of a woman that sleeps around with man they hardly know...
ReplyDeleteThis is an old age question “what men want”. I don’t think realistically think there is a real answer to that question. I came to this conclusion a long time ago. No two people are the same, take identical twins for example that grow up in the same house and have had all the same influences, they will turn out differently, and their characters will be different. So why do you want to crack our brains to find the one answer that there can never to an answer to.
ReplyDeleteI know many women have read Steve Harvey’s book “Act like a Lady Think like a Man?”
When I first heard about the book I got so excited at the prospect of FINALLY getting the answers I have been so desperately looking for. I just wanted to know from a male’s perspective what the answer was to keeping a man happy and keep a man PERIOD. So I rushed to get my copy and one Saturday I set in bed and started reading it. I was wide eyed, and for people who know me...know already that my eyes are really big. By chapter two I had hope to have read the secret to that question “what men want”. It is a well written book NNE, but I just wanted a list of do’s and don’ts.
So we women should know that we will never have the right answer to the question. My advice is to stick to the one man who you click with. I mean if you have that one guy who you know and understand better than they understand themselves, why you are stressing. Am talking about a bond that is strong enough to know when that person is not well by just hearing the sound of the voice. The one person who you are able to know what they will say before they say. This is what I have termed “having your Bluetooth on”. When you can share a joke that no one else can get, not because it’s happened before, but because that’s just how well you can connect.
LZK I found my man!!!!!!!! I gave a brotha a chance and am happy with my choice.
@Unathi, even queens(read gays) wouldnt date him then...he sounds like...b*tch ass negro.
ReplyDelete@Annonymous..no wonder you are Annonymous...hiding behind the false sense security of internet and spitting garbage...we are young well read black people, put a compelling argument then we will respond to you in an intellectual manner..until then, i shall treat yours as vile...
Yoyo...you are a woman after my own heart...now go and please your man(read:suck that d*ck for daddy)...lol....
so faceless peeps, when are we hooking up for drinks and hear in person all these arguments...lest we start thinking that its only copy and paste..lol
Hey Lzk.
ReplyDeleteI shall do as you suggest lol. What are you proposing a gateaway? Its a great idea.